Be Here NowBeing Here Now With Baby Ramona on Friday
Friday I held a baby, for a long time, and that put everything into perspective. Babies put all of life into perspective — beings that only months ago weren’t here, and then there they are, new, fresh, growing balls of potential with brains, personalities, souls, and self-will. It will always be a marvel to me that two humans (with the help of God of course) can create another human being. Every time I see a pregnant woman my mind is screaming, “There is a human growing inside your body!!!”
Babies don’t care what is going on with you, they just want and demand immediate attention and that you Be Here Now. Anyone remember the book by that title from the 70’s? The author could have achieved his quest without the psychedelic drugs, guru, and travel to India, by just sitting and holding babies. They demand you live in the present and Be Here Now. I’ve always liked Carl Sandburg’s famed quote, “A baby is God’s opinion that the world should go on.” As I sat there holding, loving, smelling, and kissing that baby, I could hear the still small voice of the Holy Spirit say to me, “Don’t worry, I’ve got you, Be Here Now.”
With only a few more tests to go (PET scan Monday) I should be done with this info-gathering phase that started about a month ago. Then on Good Friday, March 25, I’ll meet with my oncologist. By then she will have all the info and will hopefully layout what’s what, what her recommendations are, and then I’ll need to make some decisions.
What I’ve found out so far is there is nothing wrong structurally with my heart or lungs that could be causing the shortness of breath & rapid heart rate. I’ve been off chemo & other drugs for about a month and still get so out of breath with mild exertion that I feel like I’ll pass out. So either the damage from the drugs was permanent or the drugs aren’t causing it — no one seems to know. When in the hospital and on 24hr holter monitor last week my heart rate shot up to 120-150 with just mild exertion so I’m now on a beta blocker, even though my resting heart rate is below normal. Hopefully the beta blocker will help so walking about and washing my hair won’t totally exhaust me.
Medicine, especially when it comes to cancer, is not an exact science, it’s more of an art based on an educated guess. There often are no precise answers.
The only other thing that’s new is I’m needing to take pain meds pretty much daily due to some increased bone pain in back, pelvis, and ribs, where metastases are. The PET scan Monday will show whether there is progression in the bones, liver, etc. I’ve also lost 10 more pounds since they weighed me last so it was suggested I start drinking Ensure — smh, has it come to that — blech!
posted 20 March 2016: http://hopeandcourage.com